cost of medical technology

I am hotdog, apparently. XD
fucking alex.
fucking me.
I hate myself.
I gotta stop.
This isnapos;t healthy.
=] But Iapos;m happy.
And nothing that Iapos;m doing is wrong

Why do I feel so guilty?

I donapos;t know. I feel like Pierce does nothing but let me down all the time. Being completely honest. Iapos;m trying to be more honest with myself, without rationalizing. Therapist said I rationalize to the point where my actual feelings donapos;t come up. So. Completely honest. I feel let down and blown off... All the time.

I feel like Iapos;m such a bitch because I have to throw a fit after it happens.

I donapos;t know why I do, itapos;s not like it keeps it from happening.

Just.
Ugh.
I hate being promised something, but then the person going back on their promise. Thatapos;s one of my biggest irks. I. Hate. That. Ugggh. I understand if thereapos;s a good reason... Like, if someone had made a big deal about going to the movies or something and promised that we go... So I, because I think weapos;re going, cancelt all other plans, or not make any other plans, so that Iapos;ll be open for this event... But then they call and theyapos;re mom has them doing something, or someoneapos;s sick, or car fucks up... Things that are UNDERSTANDABLE. Getting Magic cards (card game Magic)... Thatapos;s not on my "Understandable" list.

I hate thiiiiisssss.

I also hate how I have to stay up and sacrifice sleep because of him.
I have early fucking classes.
Why canapos;t he understand this?


I just. Ugh. I hate it.

BUT. I know that he loves me. And heapos;s not always an ass. And he likes it when Iapos;m happy.

thereapos;s just. Ugh. He does so much other wonderful things that this REALLY shouldnapos;t get to me.... But itapos;s the one thing in the very beginning of dating that I told him I hated.

fuuuck everyyythiiiiing.

=[ hanging out with Alex does not make it better. I always feel like Iapos;m letting HIM down. But Iapos;m not, because I never promise anything. He cares about Elise, anyways, so itapos;s not like I could really let him down. Hahaa. =] Heapos;s awesome.

Iapos;m terrible.
ugh.

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